Set your thermostat....

Wow…it has been so long since I last wrote anything. I am not going to lie, I tried but was stuck. I have way too many balls in the air at present and my brain just couldn’t write. And to be honest, I have been a little scared to write since I was a guest on The Mindful Dietitian Podcast with Fiona Sutherland (http://www.themindfuldietitian.com.au/lori-short-zamudio.html). I think my inner critic has been a too vocal since that episode aired…I mean… “what if everything I post is drivel (I love this word) now?? '“ What if everyone who listened and then considered reading wondered “ how the hell did she manage to get on at that podcast?” And possibly even more likely “what if more people read this and it’s not actually that good”. Interestingly, I have been critical of my work in the past but never to the point of avoiding to write. I love to write. I wanted to be a novelist when I was a kid, then a journalist as a teen, and now a blogger as an adult. I wanted to start with this because I think I wanted to acknowledge that we are continued works in progress. These last few months have been a reminder for me that I need to focus on self-care (Thank you Julie for that help) and joy. Writing brings me joy. So today I bring joy…

I went out for a walk today and was listening to a podcast about American Politics ( yes I know I am Canadian) and I was kind of half listening while I walked. Then a quote caught my attention- which I honestly can’t remember exactly but around it formed the whole point of this blog. It was about the differences between a thermostat and a thermometer. A thermostat sets the temperature and a thermometer tells the temperature. This really resonated with me in regards to diet culture and managing for the holidays. Stay with me… I think (read: hope) this will make sense.

The temperature in today’s society is screaming hot with body shaming, fat phobia, weight stigma and food policing. Pretty much every where we go we are doused with messaging about food and bodies. “Eat this for optimal health.” “Look like this (insert current socially acceptable look here) to be successful.” “Achieve enduring health by following these 10 ( or 5 or 50) steps.” Yet beware….if you do not eat this way, exercise this way, look this way or act this way, you will be less than, not good enough to be here or so society tells us. The process of changing this temperature will be slow. Much like the actual warming of the earth it will be slow but a few degrees can and will make a difference. We might be able to do this by looking at our thermostats.

Much like the homes I have lived in, we can set our own thermostat. Meaning that how we choose to talk about food and bodies in our homes, to our friends, family is our choice much like the temperature we set to stay warm in the winter. We can set boundaries in our lives that promote the type of talk we want to hear and engage in. We can curate our social media posts so that we see images that are in alignment with the values we place around bodies and food. We can set our thermostat to inclusive- all bodies regardless of size, shape, colour, gender or anything else is acceptable. We can set our thermostat to compassionate- acknowledge others lived experiences in their bodies and yours in yours. You can show compassion to your body by nourishing it with the foods that it needs to feel good and the movement it needs to feel joy. You can show compassion to your children by helping them learn their value in this world regardless of their bodies. And if their bodies do not meet the norms that society has placed on them you can continue to show compassion by not attempting to manipulate those bodies. We can set our thermostat to be free of diet talk. Diet talk is everywhere- we live in what I call Diet Stew. It is thick and sometimes difficult to move in. Yet you can banish it from your homes. You can set a boundary to everyone that comes across your threshold that diet talk is not permitted. There are so many other things that can be talked about with friends that do not include the words Macro, Keto, Paleo or inches. And when someone attempts to cross this boundary, or change the setting on the thermostat, it is ok to call them in and say “ We have decided that we do not want this type of talk happening in our home. I would be more than happy to sit down at another time so we can talk about why we feel this type of talk is harmful to ourselves but right now I would just love to sit and talk about other things”. You can set your thermostat to safety, meaning that you can create a space where you and your family feel safe from unwanted comments about bodies or food choices. And finally you can set your thermostat to peace. Peace with food, peace with bodies, peace with yourself.

And much like the fight over the thermostat when someone finds a room too hot or too cold, there will be people that attempt to bring the temperature from outside in. To that I say- you guard your thermostat because it is your space and you deserve to live in the temperature that you will thrive in- even if it doesn’t match the temperature of the world.

Until next time…be Unapologetically you, while I be Unapologetically Me…..

My body attacks its self but I refuse to attack my body

I recently read a really great blog post from Vincci Tsui (http://vinccitsui.com/blog/#.W7zQGS8ZN-U) during her series on Intuitive Eating with Chronic disease. This particular post was about Principle #8- Respect your Body. I replied to it on Twitter saying “My body may attack its self but I refuse to attack my body”. What was interesting to me was that I have never actually said that sentence before but it resonated within me. My body attacks its self….I have said that before but never acknowledged the trauma of that. If there was something/someone else attacking my body daily it would accepted for me to feel fear, hatred and anger towards that thing or person. Yet we are told often to love our bodies. Now don’t get me wrong. I think we need to work on our relationships with our bodies, for sure. But maybe at times love is too far away or doesn’t feel realistic. Maybe we need to respect. Maybe we need to refuse to attack our own bodies.

There are many ways we may see friends/love-ones/clients attack their bodies...and things we may do ourselves They may restrict food, overexercise, call names, pick and prod, shame or a host of other things. This daily attack will wear people down. Make them believe all that they say to be true. All of that, on top of living with a chronic disease that can be exhausting in of its self. Individuals with diabetes never get to walk away from having it, they need to test and administer insulin at all times of the day. People with GI diseases have to plan eating and bathroom breaks every single time they leave the house. And the list goes on. How do we start to respect the body that is not behaving in the way “it is meant to”.

For me (and this is me only so I am not sure if it would work for anyone else) it was finding joy. In Bréne Brown’s work on vulnerability she takes about joy coming from vulnerability. And she talks about how we are programmed to shut down joy. As humans we will often catastrophise our joy. I think with Chron’s disease it was really easy to do this. I was tired, in pain, feeling different, angry at the body and easily turned to shame. Shame is “ I am bad” talk vs “this was a bad choice”. I lived in a shame sprial with this disease for a long time. And then after major surgery I chose to find joy. It was not an easy task. It came in very tiny steps. There were big markers for me to find joy in this body that so easily attacks its self. I grew humans!! This was something that I so wanted to do but was told by medical professionals it was not likely. I won’t lie that it was easy but my body fought hard to give those tiny humans what they needed. I respected what my body was doing. I did not have control (I think this is when I realized I never had control of my body) of what my body would do but I needed to respect that it knew what was going on even if it didn’t the pregnancy blogs that I was kinda obsessively reading. I also had to respect that my body was not well after having both babies and I needed a lot of support. I also needed to bottle feed. I remember being angry for a brief moment that my body couldn’t feed my babies. It is always put on us that this is such an important part of development and bonding. It is natural and “breast is best”. But once again my body attacked its self. Did I need to go on attacking myself because I couldn’t do that or could I find the joy in the fact I had a tiny little life in front of me that still needed me to feed it. My little e’s needed food and I could still provide it. It is that simple. So I found joy in those quiet moments at 3am when the world is asleep and you really just want to be asleep but you have profound conversations with humans that can’t talk yet. And I found that joy even using a bottle.

My body has taught me more lessons than I can count. It has taught me that it will signal when I need rest and that I need to listen. It will tell me when I am hungry and full. It will feel better when I provide the foods that it needs to stay strong- irregardless of whatever else some tells me will “cure” me. It reminds me when it wants to move in a joyful way and it signals when I am pushing too hard. And it will give me about a 4 minute warning when I need to desperately find a bathroom….( I do wish it would give a 40min warning as apparently my body has yet to understand rush hour traffic in Toronto)

Our bodies are amazing, AMAZING things. We need to respect them even if we can’t love them. This is why the banishment of diet culture is so important. How can we take care of something we hate. How can we listen to the stories it holds and the signals it gives if our internal brain dialogue is overriding it all. How can give our body what it needs if we are constantly listening to the noise outside telling us our bodies are not good enough. They are…..because let’s be honest, it is the only body you are going to have while you are here, you actually can not trade it in for a new model or upgrade to the next version. This is it…your longest relationship is with yourself and it can only improve if you stop attacking you.

Until next time be Unapologetically you while I be Unapologetically me…