What is nourishing you now?? This is a question that Kori Kostka and I end every podcast we do on the Nourished Circle with. The answers we have received over the last 10 episodes have been incredible to hear. Such variety of responses but the similarity being that one can hear the joy in each story. Our guests (there have been some amazing guests!! Have you checked it out yet?? here is the link to episode 1 https://nourishedcircle.podbean.com/e/podbean_best_podcast_hosting_audio_video_blog_hosting/ or search us on iTunes podcast) have all talked about what is nourishing them personally or professionally and what about that is bringing them joy. These answers can be different depending on the day but I think it is important to acknowledge what is nourishing us right now. In this moment.
It is so easy to get caught up in life. The hustle. The busy. The need to be constantly striving for some ultimate goal. But what does this sound like?? Diet Culture! Right there in front of us. Diet culture tells us that we are not good enough as we are. That we need to “be the best” yet that best is unattainable. We should never be content with our lives as we just need to work harder to be better. I will admit I fell into this trap recently. I pushed to be all the things to everyone, and do it perfectly. To do it better than anyone else. Marci Evans recently posted on Instagram “I am not doing by best because my best may kill me”. This really resonated with me. When I am striving to be the best at all the things, I am really just killing my life. I really started to re-evaluate this earlier this year and wrote about it in my post titled Having Tough Conversations (https://www.unapologeticallymerd.com/blog/2019/3/23/having-tough-conversations) yet I still pushed. It wasn’t until after re-listening to one of our podcasts that I asked myself what is nourishing me right now…I found I didn’t have an answer. The things that I have found nourishing in my life I let drop away to strive for other goals- other goals that didn’t nourish me in the same way. I haven’t even been eating in a way that is nourishing me, so I haven’t been feeling the greatest. I try to fight diet culture everyday but somehow missed that I have been living in the middle of this version of it.
So what to do? I think this is similar to stepping away from diets to intuitive eating. I need to get back to listening to my body. What does it need to feel good? What type of movement (or lack there of) brings me joy? Who makes me feel good when I am around them? Who does not? This is scary. This is work. This is shooting for a B or even a D in parts of my life instead of an A+. I struggle being still. I feel like I need to always be doing something to be getting somewhere…but I am not sure where I am going. Stillness is something that I need to work on and am. Part of letting go of diet culture- in all its sneaky forms- is to learn to be comfortable in our body. Not just the physical space of it but all of it. How it moves, how it reacts, how it functions. All the diseases. All the anxiety. All of it. To step away from this version of diet culture I need to let go and release (Kori texts me this weekly fyi…we all need support). I love my work with my clients, it doesn’t matter if I have 1 or 10. I love teaching and being in the classroom but I need to accept that not every student will like how I present the material or the sound of my voice. I love to write and need to acknowledge that I write best when not forced and therefore if it only happens once every 2 months that is ok. I love to read and drink warm coffee and run around with my kids, and snuggle them, and talk to my partner about life not just schedules. I love to talk to people and learn their stories but I also love to be in quiet away from the stories. I love being outside, seeing trees, moving and feeling the breeze on my face, looking at the sun in all of its phases. I feel full when sitting alone in moonlight. This is what nourishes me. None of this says “I feel nourished when I am the best at…” or “I feel nourished when I have reached the top of this ladder”. Diet culture will put filters on what we are seeing, like a bad SnapChat filter, and make us believe that pushing to the be best (when the best is never achievable) is what we should be doing, and if we are not the best then we are the worst. Stepping back from diet culture is not failing. It is not because you are the worst or lazy or weak. It is actually stepping back into your life where you get to find joy and maybe even peace.
I realize that I have a lot of privilege in my life to be able to say this. I have the privilege to live in a safe body that is not marginalized in our society. I have privilege in being able to take a bit of time off work so I can refocus as I have a partner that can support us. I have privilege in having been exposed to what actually does nourish me and am able to put those things back into my life. I realize that looking for what is nourishing you might not be available to everyone right now but I am hopeful that everyone can find something, it really doesn’t matter how small.
So I ask you….What is nourishing you right now?….
until next time be unapologetically you, while I be unapologetically me…RD